Summer!

School's out for the summer. Say, that'd make a good hook for a song...but I digress. Summer vacation brings with it more parent/daughter time. We don't put our kids in daycare, so the days Shannon works, I work from home - not to babysit; we're well past those years. In general I end up working quite productively while my eldest practices her babysitting skills, and all three girls learn to (a) entertain themselves and (b) get along despite being around each other all the time.

Needless to say, this is much easier to pull off now than it was a couple of years ago when they all shared a room. Nothing says peace like separate bedrooms (one reason I think I'm generally a pro-borders kinda guy).

It's been interesting these few days observing Galyna and ruminating on the changes God wrought in our family over the past few years. Her last few months have shown remarkable growth in quite a few areas: school (she's up to grade level), family contributions (she's by far the most helpful in regards to chores) and physical development (if it wouldn't violate the copyrights of the musicians who recorded the song to which she danced, I'd upload a video from her dance recital so you can see the difference between the girl who once fell while waving "hi" and the graceful ballerina she's becoming).

Even the space between the "acting up" episodes is increasing.

Yet the pain, fear and distrust learned at the hands of abusers remain. In therapy, we have had breakthroughs that include finding out she has a hard time trusting us, doesn't believe this family is "forever," and sometimes wishes she was in a different family. Today she said she feels like she's a "bad person" because she gets in trouble sometimes.

Makes it hard to forgive (again) the abusers, the neglectful who scarred this little child.

Yet even this is progress as she'd not been able to admit this much mere months ago. I take more encouragement in looking back than I do in looking forward to what (I hope!) will one day be. Much as God told the Israelites to remember His goodness by looking back to what He did for them, I see evidence of His grace by seeing how much Galyna has grown in a mere 3-1/2 years.

If I can offer any encouragement to anyone who has adopted a troubled child it is that growth can happen. Find a good therapist. Read about the needs of children who've gone through what yours have (we have learned from Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow). Talk to others who've adopted hurt children. Stay true to the love which led you to adopt in the first place. Be patient, even through moments of frustration and hurt. Remember that you are in this to help the child heal. He or she needs you, even if (s)he doesn't yet realize it. And you're not alone, even if you feel like nobody around you understands what you're going through because they don't see the day-to-day, hour-by-hour swings.

Enjoy the good times, and as you see those multiply, rejoice and celebrate them with your child. After 3-plus years, we're getting to do this more often. As summer vacation follows a year of school, healing often follows pain. Not always as quickly as we'd like, and not always visibly or sans backwards steps - but it comes. At least that is what we're discovering, and lord knows, with the mistakes we've made along the way, if we can do this there's hope for anyone.