Continuing the Journey

Thanks for sticking with me here. It's hard to find time to write anymore, which is a bummer, but fortunately by this point in our journey with our little Ukainian princess the steps tend to take place over longer time periods. So I'm not really as behind as it may feel. At least to me. *** That said, we have come far along the path down which God is leading us. It is...a hilly path. Lots of ups and downs. Galyna continues to improve academically, and we have (finally!) had our first parent-teacher conference where we were not told she needed to work on her propensity to chatter with her neighbor! Her grades are solidly at the level of her classmates. This is no small feat, and we're proud of how far she's come since being put into an American school speaking no American English. She is looking forward to middle school next year, and while nervous about the change in expectations - it's hard going from the "top class" to the "bottom class" in a school - Galyna is excited to be picking her electives. So far it looks like she wants lots of art classes, which also seems up her alley. She's also continuing to take dance class. This year she's stretching a bit, taking hip-hop instead of ballet. I think she wants to go back to ballet, but it's good to see her step outside her comfort zone and try something new. That's not been a forte, so small steps are good. Beyond dance and school, Galyna is involved in the E.D.G.E. group at church. She loves her teachers (we have the best "evah" at our church) and playing the games. Not sure how much she's absorbing about the lessons as getting her to tell us what she learned is usually an exercise in confusion, but she is starting to come up with some awesome questions. As long as she keeps that curiosity I'm a happy papa. *** Beyond the day-to-day, we had another adventure this summer, taking a trip out to the west end of the country in the form of a two-week family roadtrip. We spent a few days in Yellowstone and a few days with my brother & his girlfriend in Seattle, surrounded by a lot of long, yet fun, days in the car. Galyna handled it with aplomb, and even was happy to participate in our family activity. I created a daily game book for the girls which included research (they had to study 10 facts about whatever activity or location we had planned for that day, and got points for uniqueness) and creativity (each day had a picture or poem or photo story they had to create related to that day's activity, with points granted for creativity). The prizes were first, second and third pick from a list of daddy/daughter dates (so I had something in it for me too!) She had fun with that, although the research got her stuck enough that she got the 3rd pick. That was fine as our day at the zoo was good quality time. She also enjoyed our little drive with Dude the Buffalo, seeing the geysers, hanging with Uncle Chris and Aunt Kristin, and all the other site-seeing activities. It was good times all around. *** Looking back, we've come a long way. But the journey is not over. We're past some of the worst of the RAD issues, but it will be awhile before we get through the rest. Our therapist says Galya is the 2nd most traumatized adoptee she's ever worked with, which says a lot. The latest is dealing with a lack of trust she has in very many things, from our motivation in adopting her to the permanence of the relationship, as well as a still undeveloped understanding of what a healthy relationship is. Then again, she has taken strides with her sisters so we trust we'll get there with the other things. We're finding that much of what we have to deal with is not unique - which is encouraging in a way. It is comforting to know that there is an end to the tunnel that others have found, and you're not alone. So thanks for your prayers and encouragement; they do mean a lot. As we continue to work through the challenges which remain, we are grateful for the growth we've seen. Looking back is always a gratifying experience as we can see the many ways in which God has used this little girl to grow us as much as we grow her. Your part in that can't be overstated. Thank you! God bless, Ron

Four years in...

Holy long time no chat Batman. As I've asked my wife myriad times of late, where did 2012 go? I don't recall prior years moving this quickly.


So I guess it's time for another update. The summer went fairly well, all non-eventy and such. A family trip to Chicago was the highlight, visiting family & the coolest museum in the world while they had a storm exhibit. We all loved it, and Galyna was a touch overwhelmed by it all. We also hit the beach, letting her see Lake Michigan up very close rather than just from the coolest urban roadway in America (yeah, I'm kinda something of a Chicagophile. Sue me). (Rather, don't. In today's litigious environment I oughtn't tempt fate).

We also had our traditional camping stop at Jellystone Campground for some relaxation & silliness before closing out the summer at the coolest state fair in the world. As much as I love Chicago, home has some cool stuff too.

School - Galyna's now in 4th grade for those keeping score - has been another step forward. Her first report card showed continued improvement, and she is liked by her teachers.

Galyna also took part in the annual Christmas kids program at church, and signed up once again for dance. This spring, she & I will take part in a father/daughter dance number at the dance school's recital. That should be interesting. I've only done this once before (with eldest daughter Tierney) and they didn't put too much stress on us poor dads. This one sounds a bit more upbeat though; I need to stop agreeing to things like this!

But no, it'll be a blast I'm sure. The fact that Galyna is looking forward to it is a wonderful sign. Since we last spoke (virtually, I mean - and I did the "speaking" - so maybe "since I last wrote" is better) we've have been working on getting Galyna to open up and share her feelings, and asking for help when she needs it. It seems to be working, and God seems to have brought us through the RAD issues. There is much in this area for which we are grateful, and in which we see growth. I look forward to looking back (how's that for chronological gymnastics?) and seeing how God brings us forward from here too.

Speaking of God, as I am wont to do, he is still greatly at work in our family situation. Thanks to the wonder of this whole Facebook thing he's provided, we have "coincidentally" made contact with two separate families who remember Galyna from her Ukraine days lo those many years ago.

The first is Vince, a man who visited the Good Shepherd Shelter about the time Galya was first brought there. Through our incidental contact on a Facebook group for people who've adopted from the Donetsk area, he put together 2 & 2 to come up with us being the people who adopted this girl he remembered. He sent us a DVD with some video of her he'd recorded, and for which we are eminently blessed, not having really much in the way of video or pictures from her going back even that far. Then, recently, another family in the same group said they remembered her, too, and are looking for more pictures & video.

Small world doesn't begin to describe it. (Another contact from the group, someone we met briefly at the Snowdrops orphanage has also come to a Facebook-related working of God in finding her adopted daughter's biological brother, and through us has contacted someone in the area working with kids his age to help him adapt to life after the orphanage. I find the "coincidences" to defy the category of "stuff happens." There are too many of late throughout this story, most of which I haven’t even brought up yet. God's at work, even using Facebook. Does this make Zuckerburg Balaam's donkey for the social media set? Hmmm).

But I digress. On this, four years after her Gotcha Day (seriously, where does the time go???) much looking back leads to many realizations of how far we’ve come in a very short time, and how blessed we have been to have encountered the people God’s brought into our world throughout the entire adoption/integration process. He is truly good, and these past few years, challenges included in the calculus, have borne that out for us again and again. I’ve even learned much about what it means to be a child of God by seeing how Galyna grows as our adopted daughter. The last thing I expected in all of this was to learn more about the gospel of grace, yet she teaches me time & time again lessons I thought I’d figured out at school and church years ago.

At this time, remember that. Jesus came, and we celebrate Christmas, because God is good. He wants to redeem us, bring us into his kingdom as adopted sons & daughters of the universe’s very creator. Let him adopt you and celebrate the new family life.

God bless,

Ron

Summer!

School's out for the summer. Say, that'd make a good hook for a song...but I digress. Summer vacation brings with it more parent/daughter time. We don't put our kids in daycare, so the days Shannon works, I work from home - not to babysit; we're well past those years. In general I end up working quite productively while my eldest practices her babysitting skills, and all three girls learn to (a) entertain themselves and (b) get along despite being around each other all the time.

Needless to say, this is much easier to pull off now than it was a couple of years ago when they all shared a room. Nothing says peace like separate bedrooms (one reason I think I'm generally a pro-borders kinda guy).

It's been interesting these few days observing Galyna and ruminating on the changes God wrought in our family over the past few years. Her last few months have shown remarkable growth in quite a few areas: school (she's up to grade level), family contributions (she's by far the most helpful in regards to chores) and physical development (if it wouldn't violate the copyrights of the musicians who recorded the song to which she danced, I'd upload a video from her dance recital so you can see the difference between the girl who once fell while waving "hi" and the graceful ballerina she's becoming).

Even the space between the "acting up" episodes is increasing.

Yet the pain, fear and distrust learned at the hands of abusers remain. In therapy, we have had breakthroughs that include finding out she has a hard time trusting us, doesn't believe this family is "forever," and sometimes wishes she was in a different family. Today she said she feels like she's a "bad person" because she gets in trouble sometimes.

Makes it hard to forgive (again) the abusers, the neglectful who scarred this little child.

Yet even this is progress as she'd not been able to admit this much mere months ago. I take more encouragement in looking back than I do in looking forward to what (I hope!) will one day be. Much as God told the Israelites to remember His goodness by looking back to what He did for them, I see evidence of His grace by seeing how much Galyna has grown in a mere 3-1/2 years.

If I can offer any encouragement to anyone who has adopted a troubled child it is that growth can happen. Find a good therapist. Read about the needs of children who've gone through what yours have (we have learned from Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow). Talk to others who've adopted hurt children. Stay true to the love which led you to adopt in the first place. Be patient, even through moments of frustration and hurt. Remember that you are in this to help the child heal. He or she needs you, even if (s)he doesn't yet realize it. And you're not alone, even if you feel like nobody around you understands what you're going through because they don't see the day-to-day, hour-by-hour swings.

Enjoy the good times, and as you see those multiply, rejoice and celebrate them with your child. After 3-plus years, we're getting to do this more often. As summer vacation follows a year of school, healing often follows pain. Not always as quickly as we'd like, and not always visibly or sans backwards steps - but it comes. At least that is what we're discovering, and lord knows, with the mistakes we've made along the way, if we can do this there's hope for anyone.

Skipping ahead in our story...

So, it's been about four months. I'm guessing that's about right for an update, eh?

***
It's been an interesting 2012. School is going well. Compared to last year, she has improved academically, socially and behaviorally. As noted last time we chatted, steps are being taken. In '12, there have been a few more steps forward than backwards.

Yay!

In terms of family relationships, there has been some growth too. Her Reactive Attachment Disorder has diminished to the point where she no longer hugs strangers indiscriminately, and her affection toward the family has taken some steps. She is more likely to snuggle & cuddle like the other two, although she is still somewhat tentative about it.

Odd as it seems, her relationships with her sisters have also improved - by becoming more "normal" in terms of sibling rivalry. There are many moments of good playing and getting along punctuated with squabbles & jealousy. Much like between Tierney & Amissa.

Therapy has been a blessing. Our social worker is amazingly patient as we work through issues of trust, honesty & openness. It's sad what abuse & neglect can do to a child. It's joyous, though, what therapy can do to heal. One of the interesting exercises we've done (besides trust falls & story telling) is "re-documenting" her childhood. This consisted of Galyna creating her own baby book which tells the story of her life to date - and which has many pages left for filling in as we go forward. We (Shannon & I) also wrote her letters which described what it would have been like had she been born into our family rather than being adopted into our family. It was rather cool to go back through the girls' scrapbooks to remember the little things we did for them (poems, silly "newspaper" announcements, etc.) and tell Galyna how that would have happened for her. And then to plan to do them retroactively. It seems each session helps us reveal another small adjustment or thought or reason. There is a ways to go, as I always say, but we've come a long way.

***
One of the other big steps for Galyna was our first family cruise this past March. We surprised the girls with a Disney Cruise to Mexico, stopping at Puerta Vallarta and Cabo San Lucas. It was quite the adventure. From Las Caletas and a dolphin swim to the food, shows & characters that make a Disney experience a, well, Disney experience, it was a top 3 family vaca. We even got to spend time with some friends who live in L.A. the day before the cruise departed, visiting the Aquarium of the Pacific.

It was touristy - and I can go on evangelizing for the entire trip ad nauseum. However, for the purpose of this blog, I'll stick with talking about how Galyna handled it.

She handled it pretty well. We did allow some spoilage - dessert too often, staying up late a few nights - the usual. But she got along well with her sisters, and made friends. She met a girl from New Mexico and stuck close to her whenever she could. She was patient in line to meet the characters, and didn't argue or complain when it was time to shut down for the night. Galyna wasn't afraid to interact with Shelly (our dolphin) and stuck close by when walking around the various Mexican tourist spots we visited.

In short, I think this was one of the first times she allowed herself to relax a bit and enjoy the "normalcy" of family life. For that alone the vacation was worth it.

***
As always, I can't promise whether the next update will be tomorrow or in another four months. But I will come back. Subscribe to the RSS feed or follow the blog for updates.

Until next time, thanks for your prayers, support and encouragement. We appreciate you all!

Ron

The Plan

Today was "gotcha day" for Galyna. Three years ago today she legally became part of our family.

What an adventure it's been. I posted some updates of late you can find on the blog, but in summary the last three years have been an adventure for the five of us. Steps forward, steps backwards, steps sideways: always movement somewhere. In three years I think Galya has gone through about 18 phases, and I've gone through about 29.

***

I see our lives, sometimes, as being like climbing a mountain. There is a peak (often too short, but that's for another blog) toward which we climb. We encounter switchbacks and boulders - but see astounding views, and looking backward we often are surprised at how far we've come (or changed) through the hard work of the ascent.

It's not a perfect metaphor, but then I'm not a perfect guy.

***

The climb with Galyna is more challenging than with our other two daughters. Yet looking back I see how far we've come. Or, how far God has brought us. I am learning to be a better father, Shannon a better mother (as if that's possible!) I have seen my daughters struggle to adapt, yet shine brightly in those moments where they "get it." There is sometimes now unguarded joy in Galyna's countenance as she's starting to relax. She has stopped hinting at wanting to know how long she could stay. We have encountered situations where it feels like she's been in our family all along.

Which, although it's for another post, she has been in a way.

This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

This is the word of God to exiled Israel, through Jeremiah. It was not spoken specifically to Galyna, but it still brings hope.

God has known her since before she was born. He had placed her with us before I was born. Jesus died for her before Ukraine was a nation. God planned redemption for her before Europe existed.

He had a plan for Galyna.

We don't understand it. Why did Galyna suffer abuse and abandonment? We don't know. But we have hope because God had a plan. Through it we grow, and through it perhaps Galyna too comes to the saving grace of Christ. This is our prayer. We trust God's love.

We have this hope - and can trust God's love - because when we look down the mountain, we see how far He's brought us. It is certainly not in our strength or any special parenting skills we have that brings us this far. Ask anyone in our family and we can regale you with tales of parenting mistakes, sibling errors, childhood failures. Nor can we say it's purely because we happend to adopt a Wobegon child. Although between you and me, she is a special girl.

It's God. He has taken a family which was unknowingly incomplete and brought to us our missing daughter and transformed all of us in the process, sometimes painfully, sometimes joyously, always faithfully.

He is good. Always.

So as we congratulate Galyna on her third "other birthday" we really thank God most of all.

We also thank you for your prayers, your support, your interest and your concern. You are all most appreciated!

God bless,

Ron

It's not bragging if you can back it up

Just wanted to brag on Galyna. She came home today with a certificate for being a model citizen in her class. Apparently she was one of the top three in terms of the number of "you were caught doing something good!" "gold slips" in her class for the first trimester, so won the certificate.

Just a small slice of teh awsums, as the lolcatz would say.

[Adding this note on Dec. 14: Galyna also received her first report card which did not have any grade lower than an "S" - she is finally and fully caught up, school-wise, with her peers. This is a momentous occasion, and one of which she was deservedly proud.]
Blessings -
Ron

Picking up from where I left off

Yesterday I started talking about what's been going on lo these past many moons. I'll pick up from there today.

Life in general:
Galyna got to experience a new side of life, too, this year attending her first two funerals. The first was a memorial service for Joe Szymanski, a family friend of Shan's family. Galyna had met him once or twice, but the somber nature of the service did get to her. Joe is one of a kind and is missed. The second hit harder - my grandfather passed away just shy of his 91st birthday this past August. Great Grandpa Joe was someone she knew a bit more, talked about quite a bit, and saw more often. This was also a full funeral, including visitation, mass and graveyard ceremony (including burial). (I'll blog more about that in a bit, when I'm ready...Grandpa Joe taught me a lot and is also very much missed).

These events were, while bittersweet (we know both are in peace) were also interesting to me as I watched Galyna - really all three girls - with their first taste of grief. We tried to explain what was happening, talk through the reality of life & death, and answer their questions. In some ways, though, it was most interesting to see Galyna's response. It seemed the sadness & grief drew her out somewhat more than we'd seen in the past. We weren't looking for encouragement at such times, but it was provided. She is finding ways to be open at times.

***

Galyna has also been continuing in her dance classes. It's been good for her coordination and motor skills, as well as giving her an outlet outside the home for gaining confidence. She enjoys performing as well as just the fun of dancing. Her recital is in the Spring...if you're local, let me know and I'll get you the 411 on the date/time.

She has also been taking swim lessons, which is also helping in the confidence and physical development. It's amazing the way her strength and coordination have improved - ahead of her other development, actually, which I guess I would have expected. She also likes to play outside, and is physical in her play. It seems to be working for her as she's by far the healthiest of the girls in terms of general illness.

***

We have been attending Grace Church since before we brought her home as long time readers know. Galyna has been doing well at church, taking part in Sunday School and enjoying the times my parents attend with us. She is very popular and liked - nay, loved - which has been a source of support & strength for us all. As far as things of faith, she is asking questions. As with all things, she is still working on understanding, and we're not sure how her background will affect her spiritual self as she grows. Needless to say, we just continue to pray she learns truth:)

***

At school & church, she is making friends well. Our only concern in that department is that she choose her friends wisely rather than indiscriminately. This concern is shared, of course, for all three girls. This is not a surprise as she is an outgoing girl who dislikes being alone. She has taken especially to a couple of girls, closing in on "bff" territory. Yay Galyna!

Looking ahead:
This winter we'll be looking at a potential 3rd round of surgery, which would be in all likelihood her last. More to come on that. We're also coming up on her third Christmas in the family (already? Time = flying, no?) and this is a naturally exciting time for all the kids. This spring we're planning a family vaca of a Disney cruise, and this will definitely be a first for Galyna which I'll report on here. Otherwise, we continue to grow, to take steps forward (and sometimes sideways or backwards) toward what we'll eventually be. But this is the lot of families, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Thanks as always for your love & support. Until next time -
Ron

So the last year...

I'd say it's hard to believe it's been nigh on a year since my last post here, but I know me too well.

Galyna's tale hasn't ended, though, so I'd best be about the business of providing some updates.

Health:
This is as good a starting point as any. Galyna's second round of tissue expansion went exceedingly well. Her discomfort with the procedure was lower than it had been the first time through. She enjoyed being spoiled by the good folks at Shriner's once again. (I think she daydreams about further surgery so she can have ice cream for breakfast, do sand art projects with the nurses, and watch whatever tv shows she wants). Her hair coverage in the back is now about 70% or so, depending on what you consider as the baseline. Per the surgeon, there may be one more round to address a couple of spots on the front of her head, but we may be at the end of what we can do with the back; her skin can only stretch so much. That said, the difference between when we brought her home and today is amazing. With more hair, too, comes more confidence - which was a primary goal. We'll see what the surgeon says at our next appointment, sometime in the next week.

(For those of you who are of the praying ilk, this is also a potential challenge. We're not sure what this would mean for us, and wherever God leads is obviously fine by us; He has already blessed us more than we in particular deserve considering how many others need a lot more than we do. But our parents' heart is that if we can remove any barriers to her happiness, even if not yet encountered as hardships, we want to do what we can.)

School:
Ah, la escuela. She continues to make progress, and while still slightly behind grade level she is still closing the gap. There have been a few hiccups as she's started pushing boundaries a little bit - while also dealing with some fallout from her background. Galyna has a tendency to "study for the test" in most subjects, learning enough to get through the test, and then forgetting the information, or (in reading) getting through the pronunciation without paying attention to vocabulary or comprehension. These things will come as we instill within her the value of education, although this is proving to be a mildly unexpected difficulty. Those struggles aside, she makes friends easily and follows her teachers.

Family:
This has been an interesting year in terms of our family. Galyna has begun bonding a little more with Tierney, but sibling issues remain. She sees her sisters as competition quite often - quite understandable, considering, but for her sisters it's not something they're fully prepared to handle yet. One of the very few concerns we had when adopting Galyna was that the process would be difficult for her sisters, who were (and are!) very close best friends. It's been difficult for Galya to break through, either annoying Amissa by (as Amissa sees it) "stalking" her due to Galyna's dislike of being alone, or by pushing Tierney's buttons. But I may be making it sound worse than it is. All three girls have grown this past year, and do get along better. Tierney & Amissa have even learned through this a bit more about how to be open with us about what's going on, and about showing grace to someone still learning what it means to be in a family. For her part, Galyna is learning what it means to have sisters instead of other orphans competing for parents.

As far as our relationship with Galyna is concerned, the therapy helped move that along a little bit. She still shows signs of not having full moved through the preschool phase of development, so the play therapy needs to continue. Her progress, though, is noticeable. We don't want to diminish that progress. However, some frustration still exists. She hasn't fully moved past her RAD, and it is especially noticeable with Shannon. She doesn't show affection to Shannon except when asked to, and her trust that she is in a permanent situation isn't there yet. It is...hard, especially since she is showing some signs of softening with me. I ache for Shannon, who still wants Galyna to just hug her, or climb into her lap to snuggle.

Adding to this is the fact that in public Galyna shows few signs of this beyond occasionally being (still) overly affectionate with others (which, also, is difficult for Shannon and me to see; we want to encourage healthy relationships outside the family, of course, but it's not easy seeing the hugs you want being given to others more freely). This "public face" of things is different from our in-home experience, making it hard for some of our friends to understand some of our challenges.

That said - again, she has still been making progress. She had a difficult life, and is still adjusting to a huge life change. We are adjusting to a life change nearly as large. Things are progressing, and there are many more silver linings than clouds. We are really blessed as many things could be oh so much harder or more painful. She's still a sweetheart, still trying - and still growing.

This is getting long - and there's more, but I'll save that for next time.

Thanks for listening:)

God bless,
Ron

2010 - A retrospective

Seems like just yesterday I updated this blog, but it's been a year? Wowza. Time has really gotten away. But I suppose that means there's much about which to write. So here goes...

...when last we left the story, Galyna had her second surgery. After the gauze came off we saw, much to Galyna's delight, increased coverage of hair. It was so awesome to see her excitement when she saw how much more hair she had. She took her restrictions well, and it was good to see her schoolmates continue to treat her well.

February saw our first family vacation in a long time, where we took a week in Florida with Shannon's best friend (and her family) at the Magic Kingdom. We'd taken the other two to Disneyland a few years earlier, but this was the first time for all three at the big park in Orlando. We stayed in an awesome resort as guests of Tom & Becky (Tom's in the President's Own Marine Corps Band, so we were able to stay on site) and overall it was the most enjoyable weekend we'd had as a family aside from the trip to Ukraine to get Galyna:) Needless to say, the parks were all a big hit with the girls.

This spring saw Galyna finish first grade. Her English is still improving, although she needed a 2nd summer of summer school to continue her progress. If she came to the US the equivalent of 3 years behind, she's probably up to 1-1/2 years behind. It must help having chatty sisters.

This summer was an interesting experiment. I returned to Donetsk with my church's mission team. Galyna had some anxiety and openly wondered (and went on record against this) if I'd bring back another child. I think she was relieved when I came back with only stories, pictures and souveneirs.

During the summer we were able to take Galyna back to Chicago for my grandfather's 90th birthday. It was a great time - we saw all the family, including each of my brothers (with associated gals) and spent some time with one of the finest men I've ever met. I'm very glad all the girls have a chance to get to know their great-grandpa.

This fall started 2nd grade, as well as a new adventure. We started therapy with Galyna, and have an official diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder. There is a secondary diagnosis we may have to deal with too, as she appears to be symptomatic for attention deficit too (although that may be due to the RAD, meaning we need to treat the RAD to find out if she also has attention deficit disorder.) This is not at all a surprise as one of the key components of RAD is indiscriminate sociability. She has always shown greater affection outside the family (e.g., hugging strangers and non-family members much more often than those of us in the family) and refused to even show any unrequested affection until just recently. Having the diagnosis is a big win, though, and we are starting treatment which should resolve the RAD pretty much completely.

Overall, she is doing okay in school. She is still behind grade level but progressing at pretty much the textbook rate. Her behavior has continued to improve, although it offers challenges. Beyond the language differences (she is still not able to explain quite everything she's thinking, which makes diagnosing problems tricky) she still shows signs of manipulation from the orphanage days. Not unexpected, but she's good at playing to an audience (i.e., her behavior at home does not match that in other forums at times.) Her honesty has improved, though, which is another big win. We take it as a sign that she's starting to trust more in the permanence, as well as starting to realize that deception leads to trouble in a way honesty doesn't. The incidences of jealousy of her sisters have also decreased, and her oil/water moments with Tierney are fewer and farther between. In all, the three girls get along better - in fact, much like sisters. Over time, I suspect we'll get the rest of the way through the trouble spots. And, truth be told we are a lot further along than we were two years ago. God has been incredibly gracious in helping us to form into a family. We have far more ups than downs, although the frustration can be deep on all sides. The day her English is fully caught up will be a great day indeed.

Recently, Galyna also started round two on her hair restoration surgeries. The expanders are in and we'll start filling them soon. We're not sure if this is the last round or not, nor exactly how much restoration this will give her, but it should be of good benefit. It's amazing work, though, and we can't say enough about Shriner's. To get all this for free, by staff who are incredibly caring and gifted - God is indeed good. Our only complaint is every time we take her in she comes home with more gifts/toys; we're running out of places for them! And, sad as her history is, it is also nice to see people make her feel special - even in undesireable circumstances.

As to her faith...we're still not sure where that is going. As with the other two, she will obviously be free to make up her own mind. But I can't yet tell how much she believes vs. how much she parrots what others say. This is true for all the girls, but I think Galya's English makes it harder to discern. We only hope to give her the foundation to make wise decisions in faith as in all things.

Until the next time (and I'm hoping it's not another year) - thanks for your prayers & support. They continue to be a blessing to us.

God bless, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Ron

Christmas & Surgery

Well Christmas with Galyna part deux was a bit different from last year. It's amazing how much has happened in only one year. For one thing, Galyna now speaks quite a bit of English. For another, she now is very well aware that Christmas includes gifts - which she absolutely loves. Apparently it crosses cultures that it's harder to get kids to understand that Christmas is about Jesus than that Christmas includes gift giving. Either that or Galyna has assimilated too well into American culture!

She enjoyed the time of visiting family and unwrapping gifts. She also took part in her very first kids Christmas program and appeared to remember all the words. Unfortunately, she ended up on the far side of the choir from where I was sitting so I ended up not being able to see her as much as I'd have liked. (Her sisters did a bang up job too, which I sha'nt forget.)

Now that Christmas has passed, though, we came upon Galyna's second surgery date - yesterday. For those of you new to the story, Galyna had four tissue expanders inserted into her scalp a few months back in order to help grow some new hair-follicle-containing skin which can replace some skin grafts on her head. Yesterday they removed the insert, and stretched the skin out to cover the graft area. The surgery went very well, and although we can't see her scalp for the turban of gauze covering her head, we trust the surgeon did quality work. There is still a chance the tissue won't have good blood flow, but for now things are pretty good. Her spirits are up, she has energy and the pain is non-existent.

She'll be on restricted activities for another six weeks to let her scalp heal, which should take her up to the mid-February trip to Florida. That didn't stop her from playing Candy Land and basketball with some teenage boys who came up with a group of Iowans bearing new toys/games for the hospital. She enjoyed showing them how to do sand art, and throwing an inflatable ball around. She pretty much has the run of the place (not many other kids on the floor) and the boys pretty much loved her to death. Typical for a Stewart gal, actually:)

It was interesting, and a bit creepy, to hear that some of her initial grafts were placed directly onto the skull, with none of the tissue between graft and bone which would normally be there. It was a reminder that there is still so much we don't know about her former trauma or treatments. It raises a few risks of the tissue not "taking" as well as it should, but we'll just let God take care of that.

As always, thanks for the thoughts, prayer and encouragement. The challenges remain (albeit in reduced or different forms) and the benefits are growing. Our next focus is going to be working on getting her to understand that this family thing is permanent. She still seems fearful of having to go back to Ukraine after some amount of time. It's not fun, but I can certainly understand how someone who's been abandoned multiple times might be waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's amazing how many challenges resolve to reveal another set, all of which are understandable based on what she's been through.

That's the latest; I hope your Christmas was merry, and your New Year is a blessed one.

Gotcha!

Hard to believe it's been a year already. We celebrated Gaylna's "gotcha day" today, a day late due to the girls' need to be at rehearsal last night. The celebration was marred a bit by Amissa's illness, but it was good to remind Galyna of why we crossed an ocean to bring her into our family.

It's been a fascinating, wonderful, challenging and blessed year. Thanks to all of you for your care, prayers and encouragement. It means so much to our family that you are sharing this journey with us.

God bless -
Ron

The First Autumn

All is well with the Stewart clan with fall well under way. I figure it's been long enough that I should let y'all in on the latest happenstances & goings on.

The family is continuing to bond, a process that will take the better part of many years. Amissa & Galyna get along pretty well most days, although there is some friction between (rules-oriented) Tierney and (still-learning-the-rules) Galyna. We look at it as a great opportunity to teach Tierney grace & compassion while continuing to help Galyna adapt to her new family/culture. It's been a wonderful thing to see how the bigger family has led to growth in all the kids, not just Galyna. Seeing Tierney & Amissa, for instance, get upset at the local water park when some boys were teasing Galyna showed a deep compassion and love for their sister. (And seeing Tierney NOT deck the boys showed a growing patience on her part; there was a time in daycare - years back - where she hit a boy who was teasing Amissa. She was promptly put into a timeout. Later that afternoon, the daycare provider came along to see Tierney once again in the timeout spot. When asked why she was sitting there, Tierney said something along the lines of, "I hit again for teasing Amissa and then put myself in a timeout." I probably shouldn't have been as proud of her as I was.)

School continues apace, and Galyna is starting to pick up some reading skills. Her verbal English has long been ahead of her written English, which is natural. It's fun to see her starting to catch up. She's also popular at school and we see her giving (and receiving) many hugs from classmates when we pick her up at day's end. The only downside is she's on phy-ed & recess restrictions while the implants are in. It's a blessing to have teachers willing to be creative in helping her remain engaged anyway. Her favorite subject is art, and she's said a few times now she wants to be an art teacher. (Heh - as I type this she's pulling out colored pencils and paper. Call me Nostradamus.) If patterns hold, we'll have Tierney as our dramatic/performing arts daughter, Amissa as our gymnastics/swimming daughter, and Galyna as our visual arts daughter. Which should make logistics fun when they're all involved in actvities.

Galyna's treatments continue to progress. Her last hospital appointment went well, and it looks like the surgery to remove her implants will be December 28. That lines up well as it allows her to get through Christmas, as well as to recover in time to not miss any school. Of the four implants, we've finished filling two, and the other two are 1/2 - 2/3 full. To my untrained eye, the net result of this should be an improvement of hair coverage of 50%+. She's tolerating the saline injections much better now that we're finished with the two ports on her neck, which were always the painful ones. What I find myself wondering about is whether she'll want to go back for a second set of procedures when she sees the results of this one.

This is not to say there aren't still challenges, although things are smoothing out. The experts tend to agree that after 6 months you start to see real breakthroughs in bonding and we certainly have. She is starting to feel more comfortable, although there are still times it seems she's not sure of what's going on (or what's expected of her.) We have managed to work through some of the ... "survival habits" she picked up in the orphanage. As we come up on the one-year anniversary of the trip to Ukraine to bring Galyna into our family we remain grateful for the opportunity God provided.

As always, we thank you too for your prayers and support.

God bless,
Ron

Summer Wanes, Procedures Continue

The past few weeks have been full of more ups than downs, and I'm sure some of you are curious as to how Galyna is dealing with both first grade and post-operative procedures.

Since we last spoke (ha!) here we've had a few new experiences for Galyna. Aside from the needles and saline (more below) we introduced her to the following:

• Camping: Okay, she's been camping before, but this was our annual family camping trip to the Wisconsin Dells' Jellystone Campground. Yeah, it's campy (pun intended) but it's fun. Also, when you go over a September weekend you pretty much have the joint to yourself. On a side note, Tierney appears to be getting too "old" for this campground. I've been doing a bit of photo labeling and sorting of late, and watching how much the girls have grown...better stop now before I get eye moisture on my keyboard.


• First Grade: this is Galyna's first year in everyday school. Last year she was in a couple of school-based programs the days she wasn't in kindergarten, but this year she has all-day/everyday class with the same teacher and classmates. Conferences come up Thursday evening, so we'll see how she's doing. She was fairly nervous about homework, although why that would be we don't know; her sisters rave about homework and want to get lots. Maybe she's hearing things from other kids!


• The Great Minnesota Get-Together: I'm not sure Galyna has yet recovered from the incessant over-stimulation that is our state fair. From games and rides to food and animals, she saw more of pretty much everything than she ever had before.


• Church: Yeah, she's been going since we adopted her, but this summer she was in the service on Sunday mornings since children's programming was a "one hour or the other, but not both" option for us. It'll be interesting to hear, as she gets better at expressing herself, how she perceived this.

I'm sure there are other things I'm missing, but this is already looking to be one of my (in)famously verbose posts.

On to the medical portion of our show. We've had the opportunity (challenge? distress? stress?) of a lifetime, twice since our last hospital visit, to inflate Galyna's tissue expanders. It can't be a good sign when she starts crying hard and tightening up long before I even pull the needle out of the packaging. What is hardest for her is the inflation of two ports on her neck (which inflate expanders on the sides of her head) and the discomfort caused by her stretched skin over the two days or so subsequent to each expansion. All of which I completely get. The last time, she even said she wanted to have them removed and forego hair for the rest of her life. Fortunately, the two ports on the top of her head don't cause her as much trouble, so by the end of the procedure she's generally calmed down.

Aside from the obvious pain/discomfort, there are also starting to be some aesthetic concerns. The expanders lift the scalp tissue, which makes Galyna's head look very "lumpy" and not round. She sees this as "gross" and "ugly." Which, again, I understand. It has to be so very hard for her to see what we do, which is the end game. Her immediate pain is the hard part, and knowing she won't fully grasp the benefits of this until months (or years) from now is difficult on all of us. But. We persevere.

We do this because the procedure is a blessing from God; Shriner's care has been excellent, and the gift of free procedures is humbling. We're not "fixing" a broken doll, but Shriners is helping us heal a hurt child. We don't minimize the pain she feels now, but we know she'll at some point have part of her past healed from this. We also persevere because we want for her the best life possible, and although we'd like to think she'd always be treated normally despite having physical differences we're not so naive as to believe that's reality. She's always been beautiful to us; we want her to be beautiful to herself too.

So as you go through your Thursday evenings these next few weeks, please remember us in a prayer. I'm sure Galyna will appreciate it, even if she doesn't know it's happening.

God bless,
Ron

Post-Op Update

Lots going on, so it's probably about time for an update. Medically, we took a big step today when both Shannon and I were taught how to inflate Galyna's expanders. That's interesting. I spent some time working at a plasma donation center when I was in college, and as part of that job stuck needles into many people. It's a different experience sticking a needle into your own daughter. But I marvel at the creativity of medical researchers who came up with this entire process for dealing with trauma-induced hair loss on children.

Galyna was not thrilled, to say the least, with the whole needle part of the experience. She hung in there, though, and the tears flowed more slowly (and quietly!) once she realized it wasn't as bad as she feared it might be.

The process is to add more saline to her implants each week, then revisit the hospital in a month to gauge progress. Then we'll discuss when to finish the procedure by taking the expanded tissue and using it to cover the areas of her scalp which are currently covered by (non-hirsute) skin grafts.

In the meantime, she's on full restriction of physical activity at school. Both gym and recess will have to be monitored for her as she can't do anything to risk head injury. The playground, anything involving objects flying through the air, running, jumping, etc. That could very well be the hardest part for her, and it will last 2-3 months. Fortunately, the teachers at the local school are great, and will be helping to give her options that keep her engaged with the rest of the class, yet protect her head from injury.

Speaking of school, last night was open house night. Galyna (and her sisters) met teachers, hugged people not seen in months and displayed a bit of apprehension at the thought of homework. Well, Tierney and Amissa weren't at all nervous about that, but Galyna is. Her speaking is coming along well. She's to the point we understand what she's trying to say, but are correcting grammar and vocabulary. Her reading is behind, and she still struggles with focus on certain words and letters. But even there she's further along than she was before the summer. (Honestly, with a pseudo-writer/avid reader/grammar geek for a father - not that you can tell from this blog - and avid reader mother and sisters, Galyna has zero chance of getting through life unable to read and write. Whether she likes it or not!) We're looking forward to seeing her blossom this year as she gets into the swing of things.

There are other concerns we're dealing with, naturally, due to the nature of adopting a previously abused, different cultured, institutionally raised child into a family like we've done. The good news is the issues are new, meaning many have been resolved. Life continues to be an adventure, and even in the tougher spots (squabbles with sisters, etc...) we wouldn't change a thing. The blessings outweigh the pain, and even the pain is a blessing at times.

I could go on about how pain can be used for evil, or it could be a necessary part of restoration, healing and redemption. But that's a bit deep for an 11:00 pm post. As always, thanks for prayers, support and love.

It's greatly appreciated. Always.

God bless,
Ron

Surgery Day

So today was the big day! Well, one of many big days for our little Ukrainian dochki. I'll assume you have read (if not, please do!) the back story in prior posts, so let's sum up and zoom ahead.

A few months ago we found that Shriners accepted Galyna's case. The procedure they would perform is called tissue expansion, which is basically the placing of saline-filled "balloons" under the scalp in areas where she has hair coverage. The amount of saline is increased over time, which stretches the skin. After a while, there is sufficient extra skin, with hair follicles, to cover areas on her scalp where there is no hair currently.

It's genius, really, and especially effective for this type of situation.

We showed up at the hospital today ~ 8:00, and the two-hour pre-operative process was fairly straightforward. There was a quick shower (did not see that on the pre-op prep instructions, or we'd have done that at home last night), the taking of vital signs and the ceremonial (or not) shaving of her head. After that we went into pre-op, where she was allowed to select her own scent (strawberry-kiwi) for the happy-sleepy gas, as well as the color for her bandages (pink.) From there the surgical team took Galyna into surgery, Shannon took Tierney & Amissa to their cousin's for a few days and I headed to the waiting room. Just under three hours later, Shannon returned and Galyna came out of surgery. The timing was propitious; they waited until Shannon and I ran down to the cafeteria for a quick lunch to let us know we could go see her:)

They placed four tissue expanders in her scalp, and clipped off one smashed fingernail (another trauma from her prior life.) As I type this, roughly 4 hours after she came out of surgery, she is just now starting to awaken. She's nibbling on crackers, watching cartoons and coloring her very own floppy hat. She's also going to color a baseball cap for her bear, Ashley, who kept her company through surgery. Loyalty like that must be rewarded.

The rest of this evening will be some more clear foods, rest, cartoons, rest, visits from my folks and maybe another friend or two, followed by more rest. They have placed Galyna on a PCA drip, which allows for her to get a boost of pain killer if she needs it, but so far she's been showing no signs of pain. Post-op narcotics and residual anesthesia seem to be taking care of that. Her energy will return in fits and starts, and in about 48 hours she should be back to completely normal.

The next event in the process is a follow-up appointment in early September where we learn how to add saline to her expanders. That will be interesting. My prior experience at a plasma donation center will come in handy, although I never had to stick a relative before. I just hope to earn some good brownie points by not having my wife do it.

Thanks, as always, for the thoughts, prayers and support. They are definitely felt and appreciated. With the way we've seen God work through all this it's obvious they are effective too.

God bless,
Ron

Surgery Day

Hello again -

Thought I'd catch you up, albeit briefly, on today's goings on. We take Galya down to Shriners hospital today ~8:00, and she goes in for surgery ~10:00. The procedure should take a couple of hours, and she'll be in the hospital for at least one, possibly two nights afterwards.

I'll be back again later to let y'all know how it goes:)

God bless -

Ron

The Latest From the Good Doc's

Today was step two in the process over at Shriner's. Galyna had a physical and a surgery consult. The surgeon took some more pictures, measured her scalp and walked Shannon through the procedure. Looks like Galyna will have four tissue expanders inserted the first go around.

We're still fairly sure that Galyna doesn't understand what the procedure will be like. Primarily because we haven't given her much detail yet; we want her to enjoy as much of summer as she can without a fear of another surgery in her too-young-for-this life. (Actually, nobody's ever really "old enough" for what she's been through.) You can tell she's nervous, though, as she gets squirmier than usual, and giggly. I'm not sure what her memories of surgery in Ukraine were like. We trust her experience here will be better, but if she has no memories of the past operations, or if those memories are bad, she'll have added fears going into it.

She is, as we know, healthy. She survived a blood draw, although there was much crying before the needle was even brought out. Promises of ice cream and the ever present toys were enough to calm her down.

Tierney and Amissa joined us for the excursion, which likely won't happen again. Delays led to a four + hour visit. We wanted them to see, and be somewhat familiar with, the hospital environment. They enjoyed the toys and games in the lobby, as well as the not-so-horrible cafeteria food. But it ended up being a long day.

So surgery is scheduled for August 24 ~ 10:00 a.m. There's one more physical, but that's the big day. Between now and then we have to also come up with the optimal way to get her to a better understanding of the procedure and the short-term impact to her life from it. She'll have to deal with no hair for a while, some discomfort when the expanders are filled and some obvious bulges in her scalp as the expanders, well, expand. This is an awful lot for a pretty little girl to deal with, but if there's anything we've learned about her it's that she's a survivor.

Thanks as always for the prayers and support. It is so very good to know we're not in this alone.

God bless,
Ron

June-ish Update

Greetings loyal reader, stopping by once/fortnight to see if I've gotten around to actually posting any updates hereabouts. We have some news related to Galyna, some of it more timely than others.

I'm currently in the midst of an experiment. Take Shannon out of the country (to India, to be precise) for 15 days. Add one mama's girl who has yet to spend a night away from both her adoptive parents. Stir in a daycamp for her sisters and a need to work from home for her father. Observe how she handles the relative alone-ness and quiet of the house.

So far? So good. She's handled it with aplomb, although there has been some help in the form of Grandma and Grandpa O'Malley visiting Sunday through Tuesday of each week so I can get some office time. I think she likes the time alone with us too.

She survived the school year well enough, although she will need summer school. Her focus is more sporadic than that of her sisters, so she still doesn't have her letters down. Her verbal English is far ahead of her written, which doesn't surprise. She also seemed to enjoy being at school - although her dinner conversation usually related about recess and lunch more than the three r's.

Her general behavior has improved as well. Galyna seems to be getting better about understanding "the rules" and is conforming to them better. There are still a few side-effects of her background and delayed development we need to work through, but progress is definitely being made. Early on (as I think I mentioned) it seemed she was working her way up the developmental ladder in two-week increments, pushing new boundaries pretty regularly every 14 days. In the past couple of months, that has leveled off quite a bit. One of the things we were told often was that there was usually a big step forward in stability ~ 6 months in. That seems to be right on track.

We also took her on the first road trip to Chicago so she could meet my Mom's side of the family. She very much enjoyed that, and even got along famously with Grandpa's dog. Galya's not been much of a fan of dogs at all, so that was good progress to see. Overall, her skittishness and propensity to flinch away from movement have decreased. I count this as a growing comfort level.

Oddly enough, another sign that tells me I think she's growing more comfortable with us is that she's started talking about her life in Ukraine more. She speaks of how she misses her friend Katya, how she wants to go back and visit, and how she wants to see pictures. This past weekend, she even started talking about her "mommy and daddy" (really, her guardians since she never knew her birth parents in Ukraine) and how her mommy mistreated her. Even this story had new elements as Galyna spoke of being put in very hot water, then being put with the pigs. I have no idea if this is memory or if this is just her repeating what she heard others say about her story. The hot water is a new element, but it would make sense to this medical layman; her scars never seemed quite consistent with just animal bites to me. But again, I'm no expert.

Either way...still ticks me off to know how she used to be treated. And, we'll likely start her into counseling sooner than originally thought so she can work through these in a more healthful way. I also see some new work in helping her understand the concept of family, and what it means to have a mother and father. She still seems to think that those are the people taking care of her. That too will come with time. Really, though, I look at this as a positive. She feels comfortable enough with us and her stability that she can talk about Ukraine again.

Progress is coming in unpredictable fits and starts, but it is coming. Next big milestone is the July 2nd visit to Shriner's. I'll update for sure then, if not sooner.

Thanks for your patience!

God bless -
Ron

Adopting a Sibling

Our eldest daughter, Tierney, wrote an essay for school on adopting Galyna. She gave me permission, as proud papa, to show off her writing chops. So, without further ado...

Adopting A Sibling
by Tierney Stewart

Adopting a sibling can change your life. It can change your life because they don't know your family ways or how they act. It also changes your life because there's another family member to be with and love. It can also change your life because there's another voice laughing when there's a joke. That's how your life changes once you adopt a sibling.

She has to learn our family ways. One time she dug her chin into my arm, and lots of times when she's upset she makes mean glares and faces at Amissa and I. Sometimes she STOMPS to her bed when she's upset and just lays there while she cries. And whenever she has a straw, she slurps and makes bubbles in her drink. That's why she needs to learn our family ways.

There's an extra family to love. Because there's another person in the house, there's another person to live with, and one other family member to snuggle with. And another person to laugh and have fun with. Now there's another family member to love.

There's lots more laughter. She's funny and makes funny faces. There's another voice laughing when something funny is going on. And somtimes she says funny words or talks in a funny voice. That's how there's lots more laughter.

It's hard work adopting a sibling. There's another person to live with, another voice laughing when there's a joke. And there's another person to snuggle with and love. It's rough and lots of hard work, but I'm so GLAD she's in MY family!

***
I like this essay because it gives some insight into what Tierney felt about the adoption. I typed it as she wrote it; this is unvarnished eight year old. And like any good writer, she left the best for the very end.

The Consult

As I noted earlier, we had our first consultation with the folks at Shriner's yesterday. This is a hospital which specializes in treating children who've suffered burns or physical trauma. The trick is that they do not charge for services rendered so they are not able to take on all cases.

We sent in our application and photos a couple of weeks ago, and the initial screening appointment was set for yesterday. The surgeon took a look at Galyna's scalp, and they took some pictures. We didn't talk much about her other scars, but the surgeon (and this is the good part) said he thinks they have a reasonable chance to help with her scalp. So, we're in - at least for another step. July 2nd we'll go back and Galyna will have a more thorough exam and physical before scheduling surgery.

It looks like the approach on Galyna's scalp will be to use a process known as tissue expansion. In a nutshell, small "balloons" are inserted under her skin, and over time are filled with salinated water to expand the skin. This "extra" skin is then used to replace what is now the grafted area.

Downsides: discomfort, length and number of treatments, shaved head required, appearance is altered as the balloon inflates.

Upside: long-term best way to get hair coverage as it uses scalp skin (with hair follicles) for the coverage.

So, while it doesn't appear to be easy or simple, it seems the most effective.

That said, it's easier for us to contemplate than for her, I'm sure. We haven't yet (but we will when surgery is scheduled) talk with her about the procedure. She was obviously very nervous to the point of giggling through everything just having a doctor there. It helped that there were no needles, but I'm sure she remembers some of her past surgeries. In Ukraine she had surgery on her scalp last spring, so hospitals in general can't be exciting for her.

So, as far as our concerns go, dealing with her post-surgery healing and with filling her expaners from time to time (yes, they will trust us to do this!) and her overall antipathy toward all things medical would top the list. The one we had been worrying about - whether Shriner's would take on her case - seems to be behind us now.

God is good:)

God bless,
Ron