June-ish Update

Greetings loyal reader, stopping by once/fortnight to see if I've gotten around to actually posting any updates hereabouts. We have some news related to Galyna, some of it more timely than others.

I'm currently in the midst of an experiment. Take Shannon out of the country (to India, to be precise) for 15 days. Add one mama's girl who has yet to spend a night away from both her adoptive parents. Stir in a daycamp for her sisters and a need to work from home for her father. Observe how she handles the relative alone-ness and quiet of the house.

So far? So good. She's handled it with aplomb, although there has been some help in the form of Grandma and Grandpa O'Malley visiting Sunday through Tuesday of each week so I can get some office time. I think she likes the time alone with us too.

She survived the school year well enough, although she will need summer school. Her focus is more sporadic than that of her sisters, so she still doesn't have her letters down. Her verbal English is far ahead of her written, which doesn't surprise. She also seemed to enjoy being at school - although her dinner conversation usually related about recess and lunch more than the three r's.

Her general behavior has improved as well. Galyna seems to be getting better about understanding "the rules" and is conforming to them better. There are still a few side-effects of her background and delayed development we need to work through, but progress is definitely being made. Early on (as I think I mentioned) it seemed she was working her way up the developmental ladder in two-week increments, pushing new boundaries pretty regularly every 14 days. In the past couple of months, that has leveled off quite a bit. One of the things we were told often was that there was usually a big step forward in stability ~ 6 months in. That seems to be right on track.

We also took her on the first road trip to Chicago so she could meet my Mom's side of the family. She very much enjoyed that, and even got along famously with Grandpa's dog. Galya's not been much of a fan of dogs at all, so that was good progress to see. Overall, her skittishness and propensity to flinch away from movement have decreased. I count this as a growing comfort level.

Oddly enough, another sign that tells me I think she's growing more comfortable with us is that she's started talking about her life in Ukraine more. She speaks of how she misses her friend Katya, how she wants to go back and visit, and how she wants to see pictures. This past weekend, she even started talking about her "mommy and daddy" (really, her guardians since she never knew her birth parents in Ukraine) and how her mommy mistreated her. Even this story had new elements as Galyna spoke of being put in very hot water, then being put with the pigs. I have no idea if this is memory or if this is just her repeating what she heard others say about her story. The hot water is a new element, but it would make sense to this medical layman; her scars never seemed quite consistent with just animal bites to me. But again, I'm no expert.

Either way...still ticks me off to know how she used to be treated. And, we'll likely start her into counseling sooner than originally thought so she can work through these in a more healthful way. I also see some new work in helping her understand the concept of family, and what it means to have a mother and father. She still seems to think that those are the people taking care of her. That too will come with time. Really, though, I look at this as a positive. She feels comfortable enough with us and her stability that she can talk about Ukraine again.

Progress is coming in unpredictable fits and starts, but it is coming. Next big milestone is the July 2nd visit to Shriner's. I'll update for sure then, if not sooner.

Thanks for your patience!

God bless -
Ron

Adopting a Sibling

Our eldest daughter, Tierney, wrote an essay for school on adopting Galyna. She gave me permission, as proud papa, to show off her writing chops. So, without further ado...

Adopting A Sibling
by Tierney Stewart

Adopting a sibling can change your life. It can change your life because they don't know your family ways or how they act. It also changes your life because there's another family member to be with and love. It can also change your life because there's another voice laughing when there's a joke. That's how your life changes once you adopt a sibling.

She has to learn our family ways. One time she dug her chin into my arm, and lots of times when she's upset she makes mean glares and faces at Amissa and I. Sometimes she STOMPS to her bed when she's upset and just lays there while she cries. And whenever she has a straw, she slurps and makes bubbles in her drink. That's why she needs to learn our family ways.

There's an extra family to love. Because there's another person in the house, there's another person to live with, and one other family member to snuggle with. And another person to laugh and have fun with. Now there's another family member to love.

There's lots more laughter. She's funny and makes funny faces. There's another voice laughing when something funny is going on. And somtimes she says funny words or talks in a funny voice. That's how there's lots more laughter.

It's hard work adopting a sibling. There's another person to live with, another voice laughing when there's a joke. And there's another person to snuggle with and love. It's rough and lots of hard work, but I'm so GLAD she's in MY family!

***
I like this essay because it gives some insight into what Tierney felt about the adoption. I typed it as she wrote it; this is unvarnished eight year old. And like any good writer, she left the best for the very end.

The Consult

As I noted earlier, we had our first consultation with the folks at Shriner's yesterday. This is a hospital which specializes in treating children who've suffered burns or physical trauma. The trick is that they do not charge for services rendered so they are not able to take on all cases.

We sent in our application and photos a couple of weeks ago, and the initial screening appointment was set for yesterday. The surgeon took a look at Galyna's scalp, and they took some pictures. We didn't talk much about her other scars, but the surgeon (and this is the good part) said he thinks they have a reasonable chance to help with her scalp. So, we're in - at least for another step. July 2nd we'll go back and Galyna will have a more thorough exam and physical before scheduling surgery.

It looks like the approach on Galyna's scalp will be to use a process known as tissue expansion. In a nutshell, small "balloons" are inserted under her skin, and over time are filled with salinated water to expand the skin. This "extra" skin is then used to replace what is now the grafted area.

Downsides: discomfort, length and number of treatments, shaved head required, appearance is altered as the balloon inflates.

Upside: long-term best way to get hair coverage as it uses scalp skin (with hair follicles) for the coverage.

So, while it doesn't appear to be easy or simple, it seems the most effective.

That said, it's easier for us to contemplate than for her, I'm sure. We haven't yet (but we will when surgery is scheduled) talk with her about the procedure. She was obviously very nervous to the point of giggling through everything just having a doctor there. It helped that there were no needles, but I'm sure she remembers some of her past surgeries. In Ukraine she had surgery on her scalp last spring, so hospitals in general can't be exciting for her.

So, as far as our concerns go, dealing with her post-surgery healing and with filling her expaners from time to time (yes, they will trust us to do this!) and her overall antipathy toward all things medical would top the list. The one we had been worrying about - whether Shriner's would take on her case - seems to be behind us now.

God is good:)

God bless,
Ron

Big News!

We have an appointment at Shriner's next Thursday! Hopefully things will go well, which to our minds means (a) they can help Galyna, and (b) they will. Apparently Shriner's is picky about who they take on - and I can't blame them - so we will patiently await their opinion. I'll post another update after we visit the doctors there.

That's the big news. Other news...Galyna likes staying at Grandma and Grandpa O'Malley's house. First nights away since we brought her home went well - although technically she was not alone. All of us went on the getaway, which was nice. I hadn't been up to the in-laws' place in over a year and I enjoy the quiet of the lake place. (Okay, it's quieter when the girls are asleep, but still.) There are so many more stars visible, the company is fantastic...even the drive is nice. Shannon and I each believe we're blessed to have two sets of great in-laws. And the girls love having two sets of fantastic grandparents.

Well, Galyna has three sets as Gib and Tina are honorary grandparents, having been the ones who brought back her story and having been so loving, encouraging and helpful during this whole endeavor.

When Galyna was asked in Ukraine what she thought America would be like she said, "family." In that way, she's been blessed even more than she knew.

God bless -
Ron

The Latest...

So, some new things for the Galyna-interested out there.

• Galyna has started her first sports involvements, taking gymnastics and soccer (wait, since she's European, we'll call it football.) We're hoping these help her with her large motor skills and environmental awareness as these are not well-developed in her yet. For instance, she fell over once from waving at Shannon and saying, "hi mommy!" She's a strong child, and her fine-motor skills are good, so we think this is just a matter of exposing her to more opportunities to run, jump and play in places where there are things to climb on and things to avoid. On the other hand, this will probably lead us to a Thunder game this summer. No offense, but it can't be as fun as a Shakhtar game.


• The first parent-teacher conference went well. Galyna is well liked, and learning much. Her English is improving to the point where we can understand her, even though her grammar is unpolished. If we've gotten to the point that we're making her rephrase requests in the proper grammatical form, we've moved past comprehension - which is a good thing. Her classmates are curious, naturally, about her scarring, but so far little to no outright cruelty. We're blessed in that.


• Speaking of her scarring...we are working on the application to Shriner's to see if they'll be (a) able to take on her case, and (b) able to help remediate some (all?) of the scarring. We're particularly concerned with the graft on her scalp as it splits and bleeds very, very easily. We're not sure it's growing at the same rate as the rest of her scalp, or whether it's not thick enough. But we're also not medical doctors, so just want it checked out. If Shriner's is unable to take on her case, we'll start looking elsewhere - for both another hospital and funding.


• Galyna is fully American. She is now often the first to ask to watch TV or play on the computer. I guess we can say she's acclimating to American culture quickly. You know it's bad when I, of all people, am the one telling her she wants to watch too much TV.

As always, thanks for your prayers and support.

God bless,
Ron

Updates R Us

Did I mention Galyna is now a U.S. citizen? Well, she is and even has a signed letter from President Bush to prove it. Awesomeness.

I uploaded some more pictures to Facebook for your perusal.

This album shows pictures of the girls' dance recitals. Galyna was able to watch her sisters dance this past January, and I'm guessing at some point she'll want to take dance lessons too.

The second album shows Amissa in her traditional Ukrainian dress, which we picked up for her in Donetsk. I think I promised to share pictures of this outfit, so here they are!

The final album includes pictures of the girls at their "Jump Into Reading" awards ceremony at school. They all received medals for reaching reading (or, in Galyna's case, being read to) goals. Tierney and Amissa also entered thematic sculptures, and each won first prize for her age group. I was rather proud. Still am, actually.

Other updates on Galya: She's continuing to grasp English. She has reached the point where we can understand her fairly well, although obviously it's still a work in progress. She's settled into more of a routine, although she's still pushing a few boundaries.

She no longer wears her hat in public, by her own choice, so she's appearing even more comfortable in her own skin - literally. We will need to get her in to see a reconstructive specialist soon as the skin on her head is tending to split frequently. We think the graft there isn't growing as quickly as the skin on the rest of her head, which is causing more tears.

Galyna went to her first gymnastics class yesterday. She seemed to enjoy it, and is excited to go back. We think it will help her develop her muscle control and coordination, as well as provide an outlet for her energy. We have her signed up for soccer in the summer, too, so it's full steam ahead for the "typical American over-committed kid" immersion. (Kidding - the girls don't get too many things, even if they want them; we don't want them over-scheduled.)

Thanks for the continued prayer/support. She's growing and acclimating fast, and we see more of her personality bloom each day. To date, we're still very much ahead of the game with many more positives than challenges. God is indeed good.

God bless,
Ron

So where've we been?

Life has been good of late, although challenges abound. This is not unexpected, and sometimes even not unwanted.

Galyna has seemed to adjust well to school. Her English is getting much better, and she is speaking very little Russian by now. We would say her English is at a toddler-esque level, with sentences structured like, "please Galyna has cereal?" She is learning well how to follow etiquette rules, like asking to be excused from the dinner table, saying, "excuse me," "please," and "thank you" appropriately. And best of all she likes school. She's even stopped wearing her hat in school, for the most part, meaning she's comfortable with who she is. There are a few kids who say things about her scars, but her sisters are quick to jump to her defense.

I think having her in school five days a week is helping her adaptation and her language skills. She's certainly getting more conversation practice than she would if she were at home. Play time at home is still more divided than not, as Tierney and Amissa play together using intricate and very verbal "scripts" they make up. Galyna isn't quite skilled enough in English to keep up, so she's often found coloring while the other two play. Tierney and Amissa do try to include her, but Galya self-selects coloring over play quite often.

She is popular at Sunday School, although we're fairly sure she's not grasping the concept of church quite yet. She enjoys going, and is happy to see her teachers.

The one surprising thing we've noticed is that she completely shuts down around Russian speakers, not even acknowledging them when they talk to her. Her translators at doctor's appointments, for instance, have not been able to get anything out of her; she ignores them completely. We're not sure, but we suspect there's a latent fear of going back to Ukraine. She's adamant about being an American, and her home is in America. She shows little interest in things Ukrainian, which I guess shouldn't surprise us. There are signs she's not quite sure this whole arrangement is permanent, and that would seem natural for those raised in an orphanage, especially those with an abusive/"neglective" background like hers.

Her emotions have stabilized somewhat, although she still flips switches faster than anyone I've ever seen in my life. It's fun to notice she is starting to feel more comfortable, although that comfort is leading to boundary testing. School and Sunday School teachers are seeing the brunt of it now, but we see some at home. She hates being told she's done something wrong, though (she shuts down or breaks down completely at any sign of discipline, even going so far as to try and ignore us and hope we go away - ha! not working with her Irish mother) so I expect this phase won't last too long.

Overall, more good than bad. There are frustrating moments, still, but she's understanding us pretty well. We're understanding her more each day, and as I said she's feeling more comfortable here. We hope that soon she starts to realize we're in this for the long haul, and some of her defenses will start to go down so we can teach her even more, and more effectively. Her smile and laugh are still contagious, and her sense of humor is starting to show. All in all, a good couple of months.

We hope all is well with you, and more will be updated as we continue on this little adventure of ours.

God bless,
Ron

Oh! One more thing. It's been fun too having people ask about our experiences. Sharing this story has been a blessing to us; if you have any questions at all, don't feel like you're intruding to ask.