Picking up from where I left off

Yesterday I started talking about what's been going on lo these past many moons. I'll pick up from there today.

Life in general:
Galyna got to experience a new side of life, too, this year attending her first two funerals. The first was a memorial service for Joe Szymanski, a family friend of Shan's family. Galyna had met him once or twice, but the somber nature of the service did get to her. Joe is one of a kind and is missed. The second hit harder - my grandfather passed away just shy of his 91st birthday this past August. Great Grandpa Joe was someone she knew a bit more, talked about quite a bit, and saw more often. This was also a full funeral, including visitation, mass and graveyard ceremony (including burial). (I'll blog more about that in a bit, when I'm ready...Grandpa Joe taught me a lot and is also very much missed).

These events were, while bittersweet (we know both are in peace) were also interesting to me as I watched Galyna - really all three girls - with their first taste of grief. We tried to explain what was happening, talk through the reality of life & death, and answer their questions. In some ways, though, it was most interesting to see Galyna's response. It seemed the sadness & grief drew her out somewhat more than we'd seen in the past. We weren't looking for encouragement at such times, but it was provided. She is finding ways to be open at times.

***

Galyna has also been continuing in her dance classes. It's been good for her coordination and motor skills, as well as giving her an outlet outside the home for gaining confidence. She enjoys performing as well as just the fun of dancing. Her recital is in the Spring...if you're local, let me know and I'll get you the 411 on the date/time.

She has also been taking swim lessons, which is also helping in the confidence and physical development. It's amazing the way her strength and coordination have improved - ahead of her other development, actually, which I guess I would have expected. She also likes to play outside, and is physical in her play. It seems to be working for her as she's by far the healthiest of the girls in terms of general illness.

***

We have been attending Grace Church since before we brought her home as long time readers know. Galyna has been doing well at church, taking part in Sunday School and enjoying the times my parents attend with us. She is very popular and liked - nay, loved - which has been a source of support & strength for us all. As far as things of faith, she is asking questions. As with all things, she is still working on understanding, and we're not sure how her background will affect her spiritual self as she grows. Needless to say, we just continue to pray she learns truth:)

***

At school & church, she is making friends well. Our only concern in that department is that she choose her friends wisely rather than indiscriminately. This concern is shared, of course, for all three girls. This is not a surprise as she is an outgoing girl who dislikes being alone. She has taken especially to a couple of girls, closing in on "bff" territory. Yay Galyna!

Looking ahead:
This winter we'll be looking at a potential 3rd round of surgery, which would be in all likelihood her last. More to come on that. We're also coming up on her third Christmas in the family (already? Time = flying, no?) and this is a naturally exciting time for all the kids. This spring we're planning a family vaca of a Disney cruise, and this will definitely be a first for Galyna which I'll report on here. Otherwise, we continue to grow, to take steps forward (and sometimes sideways or backwards) toward what we'll eventually be. But this is the lot of families, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Thanks as always for your love & support. Until next time -
Ron

So the last year...

I'd say it's hard to believe it's been nigh on a year since my last post here, but I know me too well.

Galyna's tale hasn't ended, though, so I'd best be about the business of providing some updates.

Health:
This is as good a starting point as any. Galyna's second round of tissue expansion went exceedingly well. Her discomfort with the procedure was lower than it had been the first time through. She enjoyed being spoiled by the good folks at Shriner's once again. (I think she daydreams about further surgery so she can have ice cream for breakfast, do sand art projects with the nurses, and watch whatever tv shows she wants). Her hair coverage in the back is now about 70% or so, depending on what you consider as the baseline. Per the surgeon, there may be one more round to address a couple of spots on the front of her head, but we may be at the end of what we can do with the back; her skin can only stretch so much. That said, the difference between when we brought her home and today is amazing. With more hair, too, comes more confidence - which was a primary goal. We'll see what the surgeon says at our next appointment, sometime in the next week.

(For those of you who are of the praying ilk, this is also a potential challenge. We're not sure what this would mean for us, and wherever God leads is obviously fine by us; He has already blessed us more than we in particular deserve considering how many others need a lot more than we do. But our parents' heart is that if we can remove any barriers to her happiness, even if not yet encountered as hardships, we want to do what we can.)

School:
Ah, la escuela. She continues to make progress, and while still slightly behind grade level she is still closing the gap. There have been a few hiccups as she's started pushing boundaries a little bit - while also dealing with some fallout from her background. Galyna has a tendency to "study for the test" in most subjects, learning enough to get through the test, and then forgetting the information, or (in reading) getting through the pronunciation without paying attention to vocabulary or comprehension. These things will come as we instill within her the value of education, although this is proving to be a mildly unexpected difficulty. Those struggles aside, she makes friends easily and follows her teachers.

Family:
This has been an interesting year in terms of our family. Galyna has begun bonding a little more with Tierney, but sibling issues remain. She sees her sisters as competition quite often - quite understandable, considering, but for her sisters it's not something they're fully prepared to handle yet. One of the very few concerns we had when adopting Galyna was that the process would be difficult for her sisters, who were (and are!) very close best friends. It's been difficult for Galya to break through, either annoying Amissa by (as Amissa sees it) "stalking" her due to Galyna's dislike of being alone, or by pushing Tierney's buttons. But I may be making it sound worse than it is. All three girls have grown this past year, and do get along better. Tierney & Amissa have even learned through this a bit more about how to be open with us about what's going on, and about showing grace to someone still learning what it means to be in a family. For her part, Galyna is learning what it means to have sisters instead of other orphans competing for parents.

As far as our relationship with Galyna is concerned, the therapy helped move that along a little bit. She still shows signs of not having full moved through the preschool phase of development, so the play therapy needs to continue. Her progress, though, is noticeable. We don't want to diminish that progress. However, some frustration still exists. She hasn't fully moved past her RAD, and it is especially noticeable with Shannon. She doesn't show affection to Shannon except when asked to, and her trust that she is in a permanent situation isn't there yet. It is...hard, especially since she is showing some signs of softening with me. I ache for Shannon, who still wants Galyna to just hug her, or climb into her lap to snuggle.

Adding to this is the fact that in public Galyna shows few signs of this beyond occasionally being (still) overly affectionate with others (which, also, is difficult for Shannon and me to see; we want to encourage healthy relationships outside the family, of course, but it's not easy seeing the hugs you want being given to others more freely). This "public face" of things is different from our in-home experience, making it hard for some of our friends to understand some of our challenges.

That said - again, she has still been making progress. She had a difficult life, and is still adjusting to a huge life change. We are adjusting to a life change nearly as large. Things are progressing, and there are many more silver linings than clouds. We are really blessed as many things could be oh so much harder or more painful. She's still a sweetheart, still trying - and still growing.

This is getting long - and there's more, but I'll save that for next time.

Thanks for listening:)

God bless,
Ron

2010 - A retrospective

Seems like just yesterday I updated this blog, but it's been a year? Wowza. Time has really gotten away. But I suppose that means there's much about which to write. So here goes...

...when last we left the story, Galyna had her second surgery. After the gauze came off we saw, much to Galyna's delight, increased coverage of hair. It was so awesome to see her excitement when she saw how much more hair she had. She took her restrictions well, and it was good to see her schoolmates continue to treat her well.

February saw our first family vacation in a long time, where we took a week in Florida with Shannon's best friend (and her family) at the Magic Kingdom. We'd taken the other two to Disneyland a few years earlier, but this was the first time for all three at the big park in Orlando. We stayed in an awesome resort as guests of Tom & Becky (Tom's in the President's Own Marine Corps Band, so we were able to stay on site) and overall it was the most enjoyable weekend we'd had as a family aside from the trip to Ukraine to get Galyna:) Needless to say, the parks were all a big hit with the girls.

This spring saw Galyna finish first grade. Her English is still improving, although she needed a 2nd summer of summer school to continue her progress. If she came to the US the equivalent of 3 years behind, she's probably up to 1-1/2 years behind. It must help having chatty sisters.

This summer was an interesting experiment. I returned to Donetsk with my church's mission team. Galyna had some anxiety and openly wondered (and went on record against this) if I'd bring back another child. I think she was relieved when I came back with only stories, pictures and souveneirs.

During the summer we were able to take Galyna back to Chicago for my grandfather's 90th birthday. It was a great time - we saw all the family, including each of my brothers (with associated gals) and spent some time with one of the finest men I've ever met. I'm very glad all the girls have a chance to get to know their great-grandpa.

This fall started 2nd grade, as well as a new adventure. We started therapy with Galyna, and have an official diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder. There is a secondary diagnosis we may have to deal with too, as she appears to be symptomatic for attention deficit too (although that may be due to the RAD, meaning we need to treat the RAD to find out if she also has attention deficit disorder.) This is not at all a surprise as one of the key components of RAD is indiscriminate sociability. She has always shown greater affection outside the family (e.g., hugging strangers and non-family members much more often than those of us in the family) and refused to even show any unrequested affection until just recently. Having the diagnosis is a big win, though, and we are starting treatment which should resolve the RAD pretty much completely.

Overall, she is doing okay in school. She is still behind grade level but progressing at pretty much the textbook rate. Her behavior has continued to improve, although it offers challenges. Beyond the language differences (she is still not able to explain quite everything she's thinking, which makes diagnosing problems tricky) she still shows signs of manipulation from the orphanage days. Not unexpected, but she's good at playing to an audience (i.e., her behavior at home does not match that in other forums at times.) Her honesty has improved, though, which is another big win. We take it as a sign that she's starting to trust more in the permanence, as well as starting to realize that deception leads to trouble in a way honesty doesn't. The incidences of jealousy of her sisters have also decreased, and her oil/water moments with Tierney are fewer and farther between. In all, the three girls get along better - in fact, much like sisters. Over time, I suspect we'll get the rest of the way through the trouble spots. And, truth be told we are a lot further along than we were two years ago. God has been incredibly gracious in helping us to form into a family. We have far more ups than downs, although the frustration can be deep on all sides. The day her English is fully caught up will be a great day indeed.

Recently, Galyna also started round two on her hair restoration surgeries. The expanders are in and we'll start filling them soon. We're not sure if this is the last round or not, nor exactly how much restoration this will give her, but it should be of good benefit. It's amazing work, though, and we can't say enough about Shriner's. To get all this for free, by staff who are incredibly caring and gifted - God is indeed good. Our only complaint is every time we take her in she comes home with more gifts/toys; we're running out of places for them! And, sad as her history is, it is also nice to see people make her feel special - even in undesireable circumstances.

As to her faith...we're still not sure where that is going. As with the other two, she will obviously be free to make up her own mind. But I can't yet tell how much she believes vs. how much she parrots what others say. This is true for all the girls, but I think Galya's English makes it harder to discern. We only hope to give her the foundation to make wise decisions in faith as in all things.

Until the next time (and I'm hoping it's not another year) - thanks for your prayers & support. They continue to be a blessing to us.

God bless, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Ron

Christmas & Surgery

Well Christmas with Galyna part deux was a bit different from last year. It's amazing how much has happened in only one year. For one thing, Galyna now speaks quite a bit of English. For another, she now is very well aware that Christmas includes gifts - which she absolutely loves. Apparently it crosses cultures that it's harder to get kids to understand that Christmas is about Jesus than that Christmas includes gift giving. Either that or Galyna has assimilated too well into American culture!

She enjoyed the time of visiting family and unwrapping gifts. She also took part in her very first kids Christmas program and appeared to remember all the words. Unfortunately, she ended up on the far side of the choir from where I was sitting so I ended up not being able to see her as much as I'd have liked. (Her sisters did a bang up job too, which I sha'nt forget.)

Now that Christmas has passed, though, we came upon Galyna's second surgery date - yesterday. For those of you new to the story, Galyna had four tissue expanders inserted into her scalp a few months back in order to help grow some new hair-follicle-containing skin which can replace some skin grafts on her head. Yesterday they removed the insert, and stretched the skin out to cover the graft area. The surgery went very well, and although we can't see her scalp for the turban of gauze covering her head, we trust the surgeon did quality work. There is still a chance the tissue won't have good blood flow, but for now things are pretty good. Her spirits are up, she has energy and the pain is non-existent.

She'll be on restricted activities for another six weeks to let her scalp heal, which should take her up to the mid-February trip to Florida. That didn't stop her from playing Candy Land and basketball with some teenage boys who came up with a group of Iowans bearing new toys/games for the hospital. She enjoyed showing them how to do sand art, and throwing an inflatable ball around. She pretty much has the run of the place (not many other kids on the floor) and the boys pretty much loved her to death. Typical for a Stewart gal, actually:)

It was interesting, and a bit creepy, to hear that some of her initial grafts were placed directly onto the skull, with none of the tissue between graft and bone which would normally be there. It was a reminder that there is still so much we don't know about her former trauma or treatments. It raises a few risks of the tissue not "taking" as well as it should, but we'll just let God take care of that.

As always, thanks for the thoughts, prayer and encouragement. The challenges remain (albeit in reduced or different forms) and the benefits are growing. Our next focus is going to be working on getting her to understand that this family thing is permanent. She still seems fearful of having to go back to Ukraine after some amount of time. It's not fun, but I can certainly understand how someone who's been abandoned multiple times might be waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's amazing how many challenges resolve to reveal another set, all of which are understandable based on what she's been through.

That's the latest; I hope your Christmas was merry, and your New Year is a blessed one.

Gotcha!

Hard to believe it's been a year already. We celebrated Gaylna's "gotcha day" today, a day late due to the girls' need to be at rehearsal last night. The celebration was marred a bit by Amissa's illness, but it was good to remind Galyna of why we crossed an ocean to bring her into our family.

It's been a fascinating, wonderful, challenging and blessed year. Thanks to all of you for your care, prayers and encouragement. It means so much to our family that you are sharing this journey with us.

God bless -
Ron

The First Autumn

All is well with the Stewart clan with fall well under way. I figure it's been long enough that I should let y'all in on the latest happenstances & goings on.

The family is continuing to bond, a process that will take the better part of many years. Amissa & Galyna get along pretty well most days, although there is some friction between (rules-oriented) Tierney and (still-learning-the-rules) Galyna. We look at it as a great opportunity to teach Tierney grace & compassion while continuing to help Galyna adapt to her new family/culture. It's been a wonderful thing to see how the bigger family has led to growth in all the kids, not just Galyna. Seeing Tierney & Amissa, for instance, get upset at the local water park when some boys were teasing Galyna showed a deep compassion and love for their sister. (And seeing Tierney NOT deck the boys showed a growing patience on her part; there was a time in daycare - years back - where she hit a boy who was teasing Amissa. She was promptly put into a timeout. Later that afternoon, the daycare provider came along to see Tierney once again in the timeout spot. When asked why she was sitting there, Tierney said something along the lines of, "I hit again for teasing Amissa and then put myself in a timeout." I probably shouldn't have been as proud of her as I was.)

School continues apace, and Galyna is starting to pick up some reading skills. Her verbal English has long been ahead of her written English, which is natural. It's fun to see her starting to catch up. She's also popular at school and we see her giving (and receiving) many hugs from classmates when we pick her up at day's end. The only downside is she's on phy-ed & recess restrictions while the implants are in. It's a blessing to have teachers willing to be creative in helping her remain engaged anyway. Her favorite subject is art, and she's said a few times now she wants to be an art teacher. (Heh - as I type this she's pulling out colored pencils and paper. Call me Nostradamus.) If patterns hold, we'll have Tierney as our dramatic/performing arts daughter, Amissa as our gymnastics/swimming daughter, and Galyna as our visual arts daughter. Which should make logistics fun when they're all involved in actvities.

Galyna's treatments continue to progress. Her last hospital appointment went well, and it looks like the surgery to remove her implants will be December 28. That lines up well as it allows her to get through Christmas, as well as to recover in time to not miss any school. Of the four implants, we've finished filling two, and the other two are 1/2 - 2/3 full. To my untrained eye, the net result of this should be an improvement of hair coverage of 50%+. She's tolerating the saline injections much better now that we're finished with the two ports on her neck, which were always the painful ones. What I find myself wondering about is whether she'll want to go back for a second set of procedures when she sees the results of this one.

This is not to say there aren't still challenges, although things are smoothing out. The experts tend to agree that after 6 months you start to see real breakthroughs in bonding and we certainly have. She is starting to feel more comfortable, although there are still times it seems she's not sure of what's going on (or what's expected of her.) We have managed to work through some of the ... "survival habits" she picked up in the orphanage. As we come up on the one-year anniversary of the trip to Ukraine to bring Galyna into our family we remain grateful for the opportunity God provided.

As always, we thank you too for your prayers and support.

God bless,
Ron

Summer Wanes, Procedures Continue

The past few weeks have been full of more ups than downs, and I'm sure some of you are curious as to how Galyna is dealing with both first grade and post-operative procedures.

Since we last spoke (ha!) here we've had a few new experiences for Galyna. Aside from the needles and saline (more below) we introduced her to the following:

• Camping: Okay, she's been camping before, but this was our annual family camping trip to the Wisconsin Dells' Jellystone Campground. Yeah, it's campy (pun intended) but it's fun. Also, when you go over a September weekend you pretty much have the joint to yourself. On a side note, Tierney appears to be getting too "old" for this campground. I've been doing a bit of photo labeling and sorting of late, and watching how much the girls have grown...better stop now before I get eye moisture on my keyboard.


• First Grade: this is Galyna's first year in everyday school. Last year she was in a couple of school-based programs the days she wasn't in kindergarten, but this year she has all-day/everyday class with the same teacher and classmates. Conferences come up Thursday evening, so we'll see how she's doing. She was fairly nervous about homework, although why that would be we don't know; her sisters rave about homework and want to get lots. Maybe she's hearing things from other kids!


• The Great Minnesota Get-Together: I'm not sure Galyna has yet recovered from the incessant over-stimulation that is our state fair. From games and rides to food and animals, she saw more of pretty much everything than she ever had before.


• Church: Yeah, she's been going since we adopted her, but this summer she was in the service on Sunday mornings since children's programming was a "one hour or the other, but not both" option for us. It'll be interesting to hear, as she gets better at expressing herself, how she perceived this.

I'm sure there are other things I'm missing, but this is already looking to be one of my (in)famously verbose posts.

On to the medical portion of our show. We've had the opportunity (challenge? distress? stress?) of a lifetime, twice since our last hospital visit, to inflate Galyna's tissue expanders. It can't be a good sign when she starts crying hard and tightening up long before I even pull the needle out of the packaging. What is hardest for her is the inflation of two ports on her neck (which inflate expanders on the sides of her head) and the discomfort caused by her stretched skin over the two days or so subsequent to each expansion. All of which I completely get. The last time, she even said she wanted to have them removed and forego hair for the rest of her life. Fortunately, the two ports on the top of her head don't cause her as much trouble, so by the end of the procedure she's generally calmed down.

Aside from the obvious pain/discomfort, there are also starting to be some aesthetic concerns. The expanders lift the scalp tissue, which makes Galyna's head look very "lumpy" and not round. She sees this as "gross" and "ugly." Which, again, I understand. It has to be so very hard for her to see what we do, which is the end game. Her immediate pain is the hard part, and knowing she won't fully grasp the benefits of this until months (or years) from now is difficult on all of us. But. We persevere.

We do this because the procedure is a blessing from God; Shriner's care has been excellent, and the gift of free procedures is humbling. We're not "fixing" a broken doll, but Shriners is helping us heal a hurt child. We don't minimize the pain she feels now, but we know she'll at some point have part of her past healed from this. We also persevere because we want for her the best life possible, and although we'd like to think she'd always be treated normally despite having physical differences we're not so naive as to believe that's reality. She's always been beautiful to us; we want her to be beautiful to herself too.

So as you go through your Thursday evenings these next few weeks, please remember us in a prayer. I'm sure Galyna will appreciate it, even if she doesn't know it's happening.

God bless,
Ron